A TOUCHING CHRISTMAS STORY
A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.
Walking through the mall the surprised wife look up and noticed her husband was no where around and she was very upset because they had a lot to do.
She used her cell phone to call her husband because she was so upset, to ask him where he was.
The husband in a calm voice said, honey remember the jewlery store we went into 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we
could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day.
His wife said crying, yes, I remember that jewelry store.
He said, well I'm in the bar right next to it.
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike, and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man, and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
Love those quotes, G. Guud stuff.
MILESTONE POST 4538!!
Happy Old Year!
This is cool! You can use this method to see the blood vessels in your eye. You can skip to about 5:30.
Great quotes! My favorite Twain quote is "Never put off until tomorrow, that which can be done the day after tomorrow." brilliant man, he was!
Another lovely young women we admire for her brains and character and in no way do we see her as an object of affection.
Hey, where'd she go?? She must be sitting in my blind spot - I can't see her.
Crazy. Let that snowmobile go on its own. Why risk life and limb trying to slow that thing down?
LOL. WHen is the movie coming out?? I'll pay to watch the Kenny Powers lifestory. Maybe it will air on the WE station, or possibly Lifetime.
I like the part where he loses patience with his catcher, so he finally just signals fastball with his glove. LOL. Yeah, it was no surprise when the batter hit that pitch into next week.
That's a huge axe, man. I'm surprised that it didn't go all the way thru the car. Looks like the weak spot that "gave" on the axe was near the top of the wooden handle. It gave, otherwise the damage have been worse. Take a look at the replay, you can see where the wood handle broke near the top.
Kenny Powers enjoys him some Kanye South music.
The man who tells it like it is. I give you, Kenny Powers.
Kenny Powers: Sure, I've been called a xenophobe, but the truth is I'm not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and all the other countries aren't as good. That used to be called 'patriotism'.
Terrence Cutler: When I heard you were gonna be subbing here I almost lost my mind.
Kenny Powers: Well that's good for you.
Terrence Cutler: There's something you need to know, Kenny. You're not the only athlete here at Jeff Davis. I happen to be training for a Triathlon right now. Doin' a lot of running, and cycling, swimming. Well you know all about that.
Kenny Powers: No actually I don't. I do SPORTS. Not try to be the best at exercising.
Kenny Powers: I'm the man who has the ball. I'm the man who can throw it faster than f**k. So that is why i am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my d**k... everyone.
Kenny Powers: When my ass was 19 years old, I changed the face of professional baseball. I was handed the keys to the kingdom, multi-million dollar deals, endorsements. Everyone wanted a piece of my sh*t. Just a man with a mind for victory and an arm like a fu*king cannon. But sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm.
Kenny Powers: But a true champion, face to face with his darkest hour, will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, and fights, and then fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies.
P.E. Kid: When you did steroids, did they make your balls shrink?
Kenny Powers: Oh, you think that's funny? How 'bout I show you my balls right now and you can tell me if they shrunk, huh? No, for your information, I have full-size balls. Next question.
Timid Kid: My dad said you ruined baseball.
Kenny Powers: You know what? I can already tell that I don't like you. And I'm probably not gonna like you no matter how many pull-ups or push-ups you do. All right, anybody who wants to pick on anybody in class, aim for him, 'cause I'm not watchin'.
Kenny Powers: A lot of people ask me, 'Kenny Powers, you're a giant superstar. You can get any woman. Have you ever paid for sex?' And the answer is yes, I have. Several times, in fact. And it's actually kinda cool. You can negotiate practically anything and sometimes, even just kind of do stuff in the moment that you never agreed to pay for and it goes by without much argument.
Kenny Powers: Fu*k man, I'm a bulletproof tiger, dude!
And the top Kenny Powers quote is....
Kenny Powers: You're fu*king out!
Kenny F'ing Powers. Is he related to Sunny Powers?
At 3:00 AM the Dry Cleaners store sign says "Sorry, We're Closed". That's cool, no need to apologize. I don't think they owe me an apology. That's funny stuff. Now if I delivered that joke, it would fall completely flat.
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