Lies, Nonsense, and Videotapes part Deux?

[Garishwolf]

gave dad an ipad as a gift.....................................

http://www.wimp.com/dadipad/

[Roob]

gave dad an ipad as a gift.....................................

http://www.wimp.com/dadipad/

Burro is swedish?

[dcrowley]

Which phone is your favorite? (NSFW)

http://www.vice.com/read/tits-and-phones-0000149-v19n3

[Garishwolf]

ta

[Kent_Brockman]

[Garishwolf]

Wow this is unreal! http://www.youtube.com/v/EEu42L0ufBY&rel=0&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded &version=3

[Garishwolf]

>
> Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and
> Grandfathers? Well, here it is:
>
>
>
>
>
> There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to
> spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he
> would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for
> some quality time - pancakes, ice cream, candy… -- just him and his
> granddaughter.
>
>
>
>
>
> One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn't
> feel like being up at all. He knew his granddaughter always looked
> forward to their drives and would be disappointed. Luckily, his wife
> came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for
> the drive and breakfast.
>
>
>
>
>
> When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her
> grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with
> grandma?" he asked.
>
>
>
>
>
> "Not really, Pa Pa , it was really boring. We didn't see a single
> *******, queer, lesbian, piece of crap, horse's ass, liberal pinko
> democrat Obama lover, blind bastard, dip****, camel humper or son of a
> bitch anywhere we went!"
>
>
>
>
> Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

[Kent_Brockman]

That's hilarious G.

Helps me remember the good times with my grandpa. I miss that man so much.

[Garishwolf]

symplee batty mang...


http://www.videofantastica.com/view_video/111489/

[dcrowley]

January Statistics On Airport Screening From The Department Of Homeland Security: Terrorists Discovered 0 Transvestites 133 Hernias 1,485 Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172 Enlarged Prostates 8,249 Breast Implants 59,350 Natural Blondes 3 It was also discovered that 535 congressional representatives had no balls.

[Garishwolf]

my utter brother Tom, intel big, n rocker,,,,,,,he'sbean playin my jr. high dances, n stillrokin the Q.

Iron CHIWAWA - Burning Love

Iron CHIWAWA -- Burning Love http://www.amazon.com/Burning-Love/d...36683&sr=301-3 http://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/ir...wa/id493225198 http://www.… 00:03:57 Added on 4/12/12 49 views

For this month,Iron Chiwawa is channeling Elvis and having Tommy "Hugh Mungus" Martinez taking over on the lead vocals for “Burning Love.” Special thanks to Robert at

Amped Performance Center

for letting us record at his super killer hall.

Click on the link below to take a look.

"Burning Love" is available for download on iTunes, Amazon, and all other major outlets, and as always, half of the proceeds of each download are donated to the

Wounded Warrior Project

.

Stay tuned for another tune coming in about a month. "Thank ya, thank ya very much..."

The IC Fellers

[datildame]

Way to go Tommy! Elvis is back!!!

[Roob]

Garis has left the building.

[Garishwolf]

rish plz..lol

on another subjekt


Peace, jaime

[Garishwolf]

dunkest girl

Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.

The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks.”

The second said, “You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don’t even have insurance!”

The third proclaimed, “Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!”

The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, “Listen girls, I don’t think you understand. Chunks is my dog.”

[Garishwolf]

dunkest girl

Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.

The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks.”

The second said, “You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don’t even have insurance!”

The third proclaimed, “Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!”

The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, “Listen girls, I don’t think you understand. Chunks is my dog.”

[Roob]

okay the joke was funny the first time, G.

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

[Garishwolf]

hic.........sry.


k,, here.


Subject: Sign in a bar


COLD BEER: $2.00



HAMBURGER: $2.25



CHEESEBURGER: $2.50



CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50



HAND JOB: $50.00



Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.



She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"



The old golfer leans over the bar and sheepishly whispers, "I was wondering, young lady, are you the one who provides the last item listed on the sign?"



She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir, as a matter of fact, I sure am."



The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear and says softly, "Well, wash your hands real good because I want a cheeseburger and a cold beer."

[Roob]

Kent, where are you? Don't let your thread die. No posting activity here in a week. The longest posting streak in TLL history is on the verge of being stopped. And we're so close to 5,000 posts. Come back, Kent.

[Garishwolf]

I think a retired English teacher was bored. THIS IS GREAT! Read all the way to the end................ This took a lot of work to put together! You think English is easy?? 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.. 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ? You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .. There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.' It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP!

[Roob]

We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.

[Kent_Brockman]

The following is not a paid advertisement, but a tiny glimpse of the inner workings of my brain. WARNING: Contents may contain incoherency, contradictions, and some flat-out rambling nonsense. If any of the following offends or bores you, please skip to the next post in the thread. Reader discretion is advised.





So, I don't really have anything to say. I'm haven't found anything amusing enough to share in awhile other than some political stuff and I don't want to bring that crap here.

I have been experimenting with some of these internet radio streaming sites like Pandora. You're supposed to enter a song into the search bar and then they're supposed to play "similar" songs. The only problem is most of these "similar" songs don't really do it for me. Pandora says they're similar because of chord progression, comparable rhythms, and other stuff. It's not like these songs are bad, but they're not what I'm looking for.

The reason I like a song (or anyone else for that matter) is it sounds good to me. I'm not even that concerned about lyrics (although some of them can be distracting) Let's say that song A has similar qualities to song B. I think song A is awesome, but I'm not a fan of song B. They both have similar tangible musical qualities that can be found in music textbooks. However the reason I'm not a fan of song B isn't tangible. It just doesn't speak to me. That right there is something intangible. It's something I cannot define or explain with words. I guess I'm asking too much of a service like Pandora to find similar music based on that quality.

I guess an example would be a band I like called Mutemath. Their latest album sounds similar in those tangible musical qualities to another band called The Black Keys. For some reason I love the sounds that Mutemath puts out, but I'm not moved by The Black Keys. I don't think their songs are bad, but I just don't feel the same.

Anyway, I think that's enough complaining about inconsequential b.s. I've probably over-shared and those of you who have got this far are probably wondering why they wasted their time with this drivel. Although, I do have to say I did warn you.

[Kent_Brockman]

sorry about the double post. Here's something to make up for it:

[Roob]

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, oh wait, there's a double post. He was talking about black meth - that's the last thing I remember.

[Kent_Brockman]

Yes, black meth. I'm in the process of producing a product to compete with Walter White.



*In case there are any law enforcement types reading, I am not and have never been involved in the production of illicit substances other than that time I made some black market root beer.

[Garishwolf]

ay ay ay ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ay,,canta no llores,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,oooooooooooo oyyyyyyeeee,,,,,,,,,ryseeya

[Garishwolf]

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:



Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion inour store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 18: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

13. October 25: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. November 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. December 3: Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?

And last, but not least:

16. December 15: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

[Protege1212]

Bump...in the night.
Bump it up.
Don't let the thread get bumped.
It's not a baby bump.

Basically...bump.

[Garishwolf]

Sent to you by blschaefer via Google Reader:


Violate handicap parking, get away free


via Home | KRQE TV by Dean Staley on 5/12/12

The city of Albuquerque's system for ticketing and fining drivers who park illegally in handicap spots is so unworkable the blue-and-white reserved signs mean almost nothing.




Things you can do from here:

• Subscribe to Home | KRQE TV using Google Reader
• Get started using Google Reader to easily keep up with all your favorite sites

[Garishwolf]

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: "An ambulance just drove by!"

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike!"
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason is on his skate board!"
After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex!!"

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they're having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."